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Friday, February 10, 2006


Good news for me and Cindy. Our awful neighbors have a FOR SALE sign in front of their house. Halleluljah! Praise be to [insert your diety of choice here]! They're nowhere near as bad as the people who lived there before (a weird, gay threesome of abusive, collection-agency-dodging alcoholics and a mysterious older woman who I never saw once) and of course, they don't approach the depths of depravity of my New England sister's former neighbors, the now legendary Tolsens (rednecks aren't just from the South). Nevertheless, these are pretty bad neighbors.

A quick rundown of their violations of the code of good neighborliness:
    A lot of people in Los Angeles own dogs. I'm not sure why because so few appear to like them. Many dogs are used as an economical alternative to installing an ADT or Brinks security system. Unfortunately, in our neighbors' case this meant keeping two dogs (Rotweillers?) in 4' x 4' wire cages 24 hours a day. They would bark and whine at all hours of the day, probably due to the fact that they were slowly going insane from being locked up all the time. Not once did I ever see these dogs walking freely. Eventually, one disappeared, then the other. A few months after that, one of the children walked down the street with two puppies on leashes. Last week I saw the poor pups being kept in the same 4' x 4" wire cages. It's very sad.
    One day I was working on the side of the house. The houses on our street are so close together that I was actually standing just a few feet from the neighbors' open kitchen window with just a fence in between. The neighbors' kids Keisha and Cameron were playing outside, below the kitchen window. Standing in their kitchen, the neighbors argued. The kids and I could hear every word. The impression I got was that she worked, he didn't, she resented his sloth, he resented her for resenting him. Like so many arguments, this one dealt with everything but the core issue. "It's like when you said that Keisha wasn't your baby!" Suddenly, Keisha and Cameron got very quiet.
    I know there's no law about owning too many cars, but come on. These people keep five cars. Only one fits in their carport so the rest sit on the street. Of course, a couple are SUVs and one is a truck with four wheels on the rear axle. All those cars make it hard for people to park.
    This is a pretty tight neighborhood. You see your neighbors all the time and everyone pretty much either stops to talk, says hello, or at least waves. Not these neighbors. They see you coming and they look away. I'm an introvert but these people make me look like the life of the frickin' party.
    Each morning, we hear the same angry command: "Git in the car, boy!"
Let's hope for a quick sale. Anybody in the market for a house with really bad energy?



At 2/10/2006 9:51 AM, Anonymous said...

No, but we'd love to be your neighbors, more than just about anything.

At 2/10/2006 9:57 AM, Tom in L.A. said...


At 2/17/2006 10:18 AM, Andrew said...

The cheap lights next to the metal fence are a good indicator of the residents inside.

At 3/17/2006 3:58 PM, Anonymous said...

I live in a neighborhood where there are three houses on different streets that have at least 8 cars each in different stages of disrepair. One guy even has a boat along with his cars. JUs up the street a guy has two broken down vans parked on the street that haven't moved the entire 2 and a half years I've lived here. In his driveway he has 3 broken down SUV's. That's 5 cars that do not work. He and his family use 3 different older economy style Japanese cars for transportation. And to think in my town the average home price is around 650K. Redneck's/White Trash live in SO CAL too.


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