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Tuesday, December 06, 2005


Congressional debate takes place this week regarding the merits of a proposed bill designed to protect Americans from the increasingly brazen acts of violence perpetrated against the U.S. in recent times. Part of a broader initiative to keep Americans safe, the bill has been called the first battle in "The War on Cronyism."

This afternoon, standing before a large banner with the slogan "Cronies are Phonies," the bill's authors said, "Patronage and nepotism have always been deeply woven into the fabric of American politics, but Michael Brown? Harriet Miers? The time has come for America to stand up to the cronyists and say, 'Enough is enough.'"

Brown, the former head of FEMA accused of failing to provide adequate response to hurricane Katrina, lacked any emergency management experience before receiving his appointment. More recently, President George W. Bush nominated Miers, a longtime friend and counsel to the President, to fill the recently vacated seat on the Supreme Court. Ultimately, Miers declined the nomination when the opposition pointed out that she actually has never been judge.

The bill aims to prohibit the political appointment of candidates who have "demonstrated a past or present affection for the President." The bill's language is anticipated to be a sticking point and wrangling has already begun over whether the term "affection" indicates a feeling of "endearment," "ardor" or just "a general hankering" for Bush. Lawmakers were in agreement, however, that Miers' "crush" on the President was strictly out of bounds.

Reaction throughout the House was swift with a majority appearing to support the bill bolstered by a rumor from a source high in the Administration regarding the circumstances surrounding Laura Bush's ascension to the title of First Lady. Though not yet confirmed, it has been suggested that Mrs. Bush once dated the President.

"People have to understand that this isn't a schoolyard shouting match," one Representative remarked. "Giving out political appointments to some girl you took to the prom and diddled in the back of Daddy's Skylark is a direct attack on the average American's sense of fair play. If we lay down now, what kind of message does that send to the rest of the world? I'll tell you what kind, that we're soft of cronyism."

Meanwhile, a small group of citizens marched outside the Capitol building holding signs that read, "Crony Baloney!" "Friends Don't Let Friends Have Jobs!" and "The End is Near... Thanks, Cronies!" No arrests were made.

Standing on the Capitol steps, a particularly impassioned veteran of federal politics wept before the cameras and pleaded, "If we don't look the enemy straight in the face, if we don't accept this challenge, then we all lose, and the cronies will have won."



At 12/07/2005 1:04 PM, Anonymous said...

Presumably, it would be equally wrong if Mike Brown's appointment had been the result of any diddling that had gone on long ago in the back of Dad's Skylark.

Jim Hyde


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